EditorsAbout the SiteComes vs. MicrosoftUsing This Web SiteSite ArchivesCredibility IndexOOXMLOpenDocumentPatentsNovellNews DigestSite NewsRSS

03.31.09

IBM in Negotiations to Acquire Novell

Posted in Humour, IBM, Mono, Novell at 6:15 pm by Dr. Roy Schestowitz

Summary: IBM still looking for the breakthrough deal with Big Red mond

“JAVA was just too powerful for us to have,” confessed Bob Satire, “so we decided to pursue a once-in-a-lifetime contract opportunity with Microsoft by buying a poor-but-functional copy of its key technology — called Perro — along with its parent company.”

It emerged last night from a source which does not wish to be identified that a bandit from a large city at South of the Border, who had spent the majority of his career copying the inventions of Gary Killdadd, wanted a new corporation from which to spread a language called C$ and a framework called Perro (meaning “dog” in Spanish). “We had some painful experiences with C and C++, and when Killdadd came out with Perro, we said, ‘Yes! That is what we want’,” he wrote in response to our inquiry.

“Novell is said to have been actively pursuing takeover possibilities, having witnessed its stock slip below $3 earlier this year.”IBM Commander-in-chief Sun Foot Moono was approached for a comment regarding this rumour about negotiations, yet he declined to comment.

Novell is said to have been actively pursuing takeover possibilities, having witnessed its stock slip below $3 earlier this year. “We struggled to find a suitor,” said Novell’s SCO. “Our technologies were so Microsoft-centric and not a single company cared for it. Most companies had already embraced GNU/Linux with Java or Python, so our Perro enhancements and accompanying patent protection, which is due to expire in 3 years, did not impress them.”

Apologetically, said the SCO, “we had to sell ourselves for a very low price. Our landmark agreement from November 2006 turns out to have rendered us next to worthless.” In a separate filing it emerged that Novell’s SCO laid off many of his GNU/Linux developers in order to make the company more attractive for potential takeovers, but pundits suggest that he did so in order to facilitate a $8 million bonus for his decision to put the company on sale.

Share this post: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Digg
  • del.icio.us
  • Reddit
  • co.mments
  • DZone
  • email
  • Google Bookmarks
  • LinkedIn
  • NewsVine
  • Print
  • Technorati
  • TwitThis
  • Facebook

If you liked this post, consider subscribing to the RSS feed or join us now at the IRC channels.

Pages that cross-reference this one

4 Comments

  1. Gentoo User said,

    March 31, 2009 at 6:48 pm

    Gravatar

    I think the problem with your “humor” is that it’s too close to the day to day insults (direct and implied) and libel you hurl at de Icaza (and everyone else) to be of any meaningful comedic release whatsoever.

    That and the more disturbing stuff on your IRC logs make this attempt at “humor” fall rather flat on its face.

    You’re probably doing something wrong when your self-parodies can’t really be interpreted as such.

  2. Socceroos said,

    March 31, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    Gravatar

    @Gentoo User

    Hahahaha, boy haven’t you got a chip on your shoulder!

    Good stuff Roy. Happy April Fools Day. =)

  3. Roy Schestowitz said,

    March 31, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    Gravatar

    OMG, it’s the ‘Humour Police”!

  4. pcolon said,

    March 31, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    Gravatar

    Last century’s comedian Jimmy Durante said, “Everybody wants to get into the act; everyone’s a critic”.

What Else is New


  1. Links 3/8/2015: Linux 4.2 RC5, Korora 22

    Links for the day



  2. The World is Changing and Patent Law Can Change Either for Better or for Worse

    Recent secret dealings (which are being exposed to the public owing to whistle-blowers) show the degree of coordination and collusion against public interests; it's up to us, the majority, to fight back and tackle this injustice



  3. The Latest on Patent 'Reform' in the US: GOP Media Deception, Healthwashing Patents, and SIIA Lobbying

    Techrights looks at the more prominent actors driving patent policy in the US, with budget to absorb and agenda to lobby for



  4. Newegg Uses Its Fight Against Patent Trolls for Marketing

    Comments on Newegg's fight against patent trolls in court, setting an example for other companies



  5. Microsoft Lies, Propaganda, Embedded 'Journalism' and Other Dirty Tricks to Promote Vista 10

    The Vista 10 entrapment is being sold to the public using bogus/unverified figures, Microsoft propagandists pretending to be journalists, and some gullible people who actually believe them



  6. Microsoft -- Like Bill Gates -- Bribes PBS for Propaganda to be Presented as 'TV Programme'

    Microsoft pays the supposedly 'public' network to act as courier of Microsoft marketing, shrewdly disguised as 'information'



  7. Links 2/8/2015: KDE Applications 15.08 Beta, Zorin OS 10

    Links for the day



  8. Links 1/8/2015: Steam Sale, blackPanther OS 14.1

    Links for the day



  9. Vista 10 Inherently Criminal: Vandalising the Competition (Dual Boot, Rival Web Browsers, Online Services)

    Vista 10, the latest incarnation of Windows, takes its anticompetitive aspects to a whole new level, betraying even so-called 'partners' in the process



  10. As Microsoft AstroTurfing/PR Budget Runs Dry, Vista 10 Truths Come Out

    The media manipulation by Microsoft (to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars spent on 'marketing') grows thin as a growing number of growingly angry early adopters of Vista 10 publicly rant



  11. Links 31/7/2015: Lennart Poettering as 'Linux Hero' and systemd Conference Coming

    Links for the day



  12. Links 30/7/2015: Apache Spark on Z System, Elive 2.6.8 Beta

    Links for the day



  13. Microsoft's Mouthpiece Mary Branscombe Tries to Shoot Down Free Software, But Fails Miserably

    At the CBS-owned ZDNet, which is Free/Open Source software-hostile, new FUD surfaces, but the FUD is so flawed that a full rebuttal is easy and almost imperative



  14. People of New Zealand Must Rise Up to Defend Sovereignty and Stop Software Patents

    The TPPA serves to override (launder) the law of New Zealand, allegedly legalising patents on software in the process



  15. Microsoft Illegally Evades Billions of Dollars in Tax, Says IRS

    The criminal enterprise known as Microsoft finds itself embarrassingly exposed in the courtroom, for the IRS belatedly (decades too late) targets the company in an effort to tackle massive tax evasions



  16. Vista 10 Very Buggy Upon Release, Just as We Have Repeatedly Warned for Weeks

    Vista 10 is prematurely pushed out the door (to meet a deadline) way ahead of it being stable, even remotely polished, and supported by hardware companies (there is a serious drivers issue)



  17. Surveillance Machine With a Keylogger: Vista 10 Will Spy on the User (Over the Internet) Even While Playing Games

    Microsoft is making it clear that even playing a simple game like Solitaire on Vista 10 will make one subjected to spying (for targeted ads); other serious violations of privacy revealed upon release



  18. Links 29/7/2015: Akademy 2015 Ends, NetBSD 7.0 RC

    Links for the day



  19. MPEG-LA is Preparing New Patent Obstruction (Called DASH) Against Free Software, OIN Grows

    A new conspiracy against free multimedia software, set up by the MPEG cartel, is called DASH



  20. New Zealand's Media Gets History Wrong on Software Patents

    Setting the record straight on the fight against software patents in New Zealand



  21. Not Only Vista 10 Crashes a Lot, Any .NET Application Does Too (Updated)

    Microsoft software is quickly becoming synonymous with crashes as any piece of software developed with Microsoft's tools, not just the underlying platform, crashes chronically



  22. The Government of Bulgaria Sells Out to Microsoft, Again

    Despite some promises and reassurances that Bulgaria will consider Free/libre software, the Bulgarian government hands out a lot more of taxpayers' money to the Mafia



  23. Corporate Media Finally Finds Out That Vista 10 Crashes a Lot

    Stability issues of Vista 10 are belatedly reported to be a major catastrophe, leaving it unusable for many early adopters



  24. Links 28/7/2015: Linux 4.2 RC4, New Logos and Bug 'Branding' for FUD

    Links for the day



  25. Patents Roundup: Technicolor, Alice, Voip-Pal, Fitbit, Marijuana Patents, and JDate

    A look at some of last week's patent news, with imperative responses that criticise corporate exploitation of patents for protectionism (excluding and/or driving away the competition using legal threats)



  26. Corporate Lobbyists Including Koch-Connected Front Groups Attack Real and Perceived Patent Reform in the United States

    Looking at some of the latest propaganda for and against a bill which is already too watered-down to actually fix the US patent system



  27. Patents in the Android World Further Complicate Freedom in This Linux-Powered Platform

    A survey of last week's news with special focus on Google and Android, which are trying to coexist and thrive in a world full of patent maximalists



  28. The 'Unitary' Patent Trojan Horse Rammed Down the Throat of Europe

    Under the guise of 'unification' or 'unity', existing patent systems are being abandoned and more power gets passed to corrupt EPO officials



  29. HEVC Cartel is Not News, Only the Names of Backers and the Costs Are New

    A few remarks on and a roundup of recent articles about HEVC, which we first wrote about in spring



  30. IRC Proceedings: July 12th, 2015 – July 25th, 2015

    Many IRC logs


CoPilotCo

RSS 64x64RSS Feed: subscribe to the RSS feed for regular updates

Home iconSite Wiki: You can improve this site by helping the extension of the site's content

Home iconSite Home: Background about the site and some key features in the front page

Chat iconIRC Channel: Come and chat with us in real time

CoPilotCo

Recent Posts